It’s been almost a month now since I have been developing this abnormal cough. At first I thought it was just a dry cough, but then it just kept going one day and I could not catch my breath. My lungs are in pain every time I cough, including my chest. I went to the ER last Saturday night. Was taken in and examined for more than two hours. Different respiratory doctors came in to listen to my lungs taking in air. My X-rays came out unremarkable. But they did say my lungs had a lot of noise going on fore very single breath, and what they think were slight vibrations. I was sent back with prescriptions because they could not find anything wrong with me…that they knew of.
For the past four nights I have not been able to sleep well. I have woken up due to my severe coughs and last night was the scariest yet. It’s horrible not being able to breathe when you are surrounded by air. I can’t even be in my classes anymore because I’m so disruptive. I have been eating less and less every day. Not on purpose…but I just do not feel hungry. I have constant headaches. Shortness of breath…even nausea. I hope this just leaves soon. Whatever it is I have. I hope the doctors on Thursday find it. Please God. Let me get better. I am starting to get worried.
Writing on here while listening to “Te Quiero” by Hombres G.
For the past two weeks, I have been having these weird chest feelings and now I am developing a cough that sounds like a donkey is being tortured by a child that will be the next biggest, most sought out serial killer by the FBI. Well yes I know that was completely out of the blue, but I tend to say things like that when I am feeling not myself, especially if the chest pains are returning. And by the not myself notion, I mean my physical body feels just uncanny, accompanied with the dreaded familiar chest problems. So now to better news, last week on Friday as I was about to reply to a friend late at night, my phone completely just crashed. Is this better news? Well yes because I rather have materialistic problems than problems with my health. So I have no phone. Hurray! My friend is going to give me his iPhone 6 when the 6s comes out, free of charge, but I feel weird accepting it? I am not the person to receive, but to give. So being in the receivers shoes feels unnatural.
Now I am about to study for three exams coming up this week and the next, plus a 2,000 word essay that I will probably most likely start 90min before the deadline. Not to brag, but I am proud that I received an A on my last 2,000 word essay in which was based on a 96min documentary…in which I started to watch exactly 90min before the deadline. As the documentary was playing, I was completing my essay. To be honest, I was not stressed out at all or worried that I would not make it. You see, I am not to worry or let things like that stress me out. I know that everything will fall in place. I used to not have this attitude in the past and boy, was I going through a hard time back in those days. *guitar solo just started* this is my cue to leave. Love all and be loved.
As I walked out of the restaurant for the last time, I breathed better, I smiled at the homeless couple that were sharing their food with each other, I did not look back. Never in my life have I worked in a place where there was so much negative energy. Communication was not anyone’s forte, and when it was, it literally was communicated in a forte dynamic. I will miss a few people from the restaurant, but as the saying goes, people come and go all the time. I am 22 years old, and hopefully still have many years to come. I will keep in contact with only two people for they were just the kindest people I have ever met, and would hate it if I solely was the reason for a friendship never really blossoming between us.
I am finally home, and suddenly I get this huge urge to cry. Do you ever get that? Just out of nowhere, your body just wants you to cry. My eyes are a bit teary but I will not let myself cry. I am exhausted, a bit sad with a hint of happiness…how uncanny does that sound to you? I hope I am not the only out there in which this happens to. I shall make myself some herbal tea and I will feel my body relax instantaneously; that should make my eccentric existence a bit less eccentric. To be completely honest, I am just relieved that I only have one job now as a full-time student. The stress from my restaurant job was starting to take its toll on me, mentally and physically. On a brighter side, I have made new memories thanks to working at that restaurant, that I would not trade for the world. Thank you Restaurant.
I am currently at work at Arizona State University typing this blog due to my several thoughts and no clients in need here at our office.
This morning I woke up from a good 7 hr. sleep. Brushed my teeth, placed my hair up in a bun due to the humidity that was left from yesterday’s massive storm, clothed myself, managed to cook and eat the last egg that was in the fridge, brushed my teeth again, and off to school I went. As I was waiting in the bus-stop, there was a lady that was passed out on the waiting bench. She immediately woke up when I arrived and invited me to sit next to her. It was conspicuous that she had not had a shower in a long time. Her shoes were falling appart, and her skin needed lotion. I felt that she was extremely tired. Not the usual tired that everyone speaks of when they are done with classes or just finished their work-out routine, it is that tired where the sadness is just coming from the person’s eyes. I felt like crying because I once was that sort of tired where I just really had no desire to smile at anyone or talk to anyone. As I saw the bus approaching, I looked at her in the eyes and said “Thank you. Thank you for sharing the bench with me. That was real nice of you.”. Man. If you would have seen her smile…it was genuine. Moments ago she was radiating sadness, and now she emitting happiness through her smile, eyes, even her posture straightened out. Then she said “No. Thank You”. I did not know what to do except smile. She left to the direction of the South, and I left to the direction of the North.
There were people there before me that were standing far away from the bench, but I decided to stand next to the bench just because there was shade there. I am glad I walked up close and decided to not stay away from her. I am glad I sat next to her when I could have kindly declined the offer due to her scent. I am grateful that I had a very tough road in life where I felt as tired of life as she seemed that morning. Why am I grateful? Because if I had not gone through that, I would have not recognized her suffering.
Life truly is beautiful.
Cahir, Ireland — Lone Tree In Mist And Sunlight; Cahir, County Tipperary, Ireland — Image by © Trish Punch/Design Pics/Corbis
I can’t sleep due to my very active cerebrum and also the beautiful lightning storm that I can see right from my window. As I listen to one of the best cellist in the world (Yo-Yo Ma) interpret Bach’s Prelude No. 1 in G Major, I have come to the realization that I have not been this content with myself ever since I saw my Mom moved with joy when I told her I had received several scholarships and a full-ride to Arizona State University.
Lately I find myself always trying to see the best in people. In which if any of my good friends already know I am the type of person to give the benefit-of-the-doubt to every single human being I meet, but this time I just really am seeing what makes them beautiful; even though some people would be considered ugly by everyone else. I want to stop being so harsh on everyone else. Just because I am my own worst critic, doesn’t mean I have the right to criticize everyone else in my mind. If you want to wear crocs to ASU with booty shorts and a tank…you do you. Now I am not saying I will not wince in pain a little bit when I see it but I will automatically think of something else so I won’t be mean to them even in my thoughts.
I am just much happier this year than any other year. I have met new people that just wants me to yell at them “Where have you been all my life?!” I have also met the worst people this year as well that I just tend to avoid at all times because nobody needs that kind of negativity in their life. I was about to write more but I am seeing the time and it is late! I have to wake up in five hours to help the little ones to school (possibly cook them breakfast), and then off to work at 8AM.
PS: Today will mark the third day of ASU’s Fall 2015 Semester.
Have you ever been so sad that on that slight sigh of relief, you also include a smile with your eyebrows turning upside-down simultaneously? Well that is what I do before a huge, must I add, very well earned cry.
My father and mother are the two hardest working people I have ever known. They raise a family of seven! Can you believe that? Even I myself, have to take a small pause before entering my home, so I can prepare myself from the laughters, screams, giggles or cries coming from inside my humble abode; they are the nicest, kindest demons you will ever lay eyes on. Now why the tears? As the second eldest sister of the pack, I have found myself finding out the realities of our situation…and let me tell you, you would join me in my exhaust of years activity if you heard everything. But I have learned the key to my calming down, de stressing methods; keep smiling on.
I have noticed that even if I am not happy, forcing myself to smile actually makes me feel better. Plus, I rather have my sibling see me smile than cry. Besides the amounts of teasing material they would have on me, I would worry the little ones, when they really should be worrying about whether what kind of new games they will play next with their friends.
End of thought, you should smile, even of you are not feeling it. Life gives you lemons, you place a great big smile on your face while you throw those little sour suckers back! Life is truly beautiful, but it is up to each and every one of us to open our eyes to a different optimistic view of our own futures.
I should be graduating this year from Arizona State University with a Bachelor’s degree. Instead, I switched my major from Nursing to Pre-med. Most of my friends are all graduating this year as I stay behind. I still ride the bus to school and to work. Sometimes I use my bike just to keep the ride to work and school interesting. I am still having this horrible sleep schedule thanks to organic chemistry and biology. I have to admit, it’s hard keeping this happy act alive because in reality, I am stressed beyond measures. I relieve my stress once I get the good scores back from my exams, make one of my loved ones happy, play with my dog who’s eyes light up as soon as she sees me. It is not that I am unhappy, but I am just too tired to be happy. I rather be doing homework and studying than going out with my crush, or going out with the family. I don’t know how I’ve put up with so much in life because it just feels like life is throwing lemons at me non-stop. Last week, I walked back home from the bus (which is around 2 blocks) while it was raining hard. It was so cold and all I cared about was keeping my books, notes and laptop dry. But you know what? I’ve recently changed my mentality. I have stopped feeling so bad for myself for still having to go to school because you know why? This is all going to be worth it in the end. I am now actually enjoying the best things that life has to offer. I love it when I see people open the door for another person. I love it when strangers say good-morning or good-afternoon. My friends visiting me at work is just priceless. The beautiful sunsets Arizona has are just magically beautiful. In the end, I will become one of the best neo-natal heart surgeons in the world. No matter how long it takes or how much I have to endure, I will be successful. Everything comes with a price, but hey, who said we couldn’t enjoy the process of paying the price? Exactly. No one did. Have an amazing day people!