Not Recognizing Your Own Mother

San Holo is performing,  EDC is completely LIT, I am jumping up and down and dancing away like there is no tomorrow (while of course recording everything on the Snap), when I see that my younger sister sends me a text.  It’s past midnight, so I get curious and open the message. “Mom’s in the hospital…she is not doing so good”.  My heart drops, my eyes water, the music fades away along with the thousands people of surrounding me, and I honestly almost lose it.  Rewind.

It’s 2009, Sophomore year in high school.  My dad picks my sister and I up from school, and instead of driving away, he just stays there and says “Your mom was diagnosed with cancer, the doctors gave her at most 2 years to live”, and starts crying like I have never seen him cry.  That year was a very hard one for me.  I isolated myself from everyone, decided to focus completely on my studies and instruments, and take care of my family.  Back to present.

On my mother’s birthday, the doctors inform her she has stage 4 cancer, and that this time they can only slow down the growth, but not prevent it.  I honestly do not know what my mother is feeling right now, but I can imagine she is scared of leaving her 8 member family, and we are all scared of losing her.  I do not want to lose her.  Please God, I do not want to lose her.  I am trying to be as optimistic as possible, but right now it is really hard doing just that.  She is going to go through all the treatments necessary, but I remember in the past that when she went through those treatments, I honestly could not recognize her anymore, and that scared me.

Mom, Queen, I will cherish all the time I have with you on this Earth.  parenting-mom-child-tunnel

 

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