No Home Soon

Home is where you are supposed to be accepted right? Where the comfort is at. Where people understand you….where you’re supposed to feel safe.

My father is again at his worst with his arthritis, but I feel the need to somehow remind him that this weekend I will be going for a trip to North Carolina to see old friends with my friends here. My father knows ever since I was little I have been having nothing but male friends. I was bullied by girls when I was little and ever since then I just feel more comfortable with my guy friends. My female friends can be counted in one hand.

I remind him. He flips out. Claims to have never agreed to this trip. I tell him he had and he gets angry. I tell him again that he is mistaken and to ask my sister but he yells at me to shut up, in a mean spanish way.  I recognize the same anger he had had last year…that horrible day.  My father is not one person to be reasoned with at all. It is his way or the highway. That is what I will have to take this time. No way am I missing my trip with my friends that we had planned since two months ago.  I saved up and took all of the extra hours I could even when I was sick. I have never gone out somewhere out of state in my my breaks without a sister by my side.  Yes I lost my parents trust when they found out I was drinking, but the way they approached the whole problem was wrong.  They get mad at me for even thinking that I want to date a guy that is not of the same faith.  They see me wear short shorts in the summer and say that I am just inviting men to do bad things to me.  What is wrong with them?  I want them to be more understanding, but I know they will not change. Something has to change for them to change.  I am leaving home.  I will move in temporarily with a friend until I save up and get my own place.  I have helped them so much…I could have had my own car if I had not, and yet, they will not give me the freedom to leave to a trip with my friends.  I am absolutely saddened by this.  But I will not take another beating like I did last year. No one deserves to be hit like that.  Even remembering why I got beat really brings the tears back.  I was convinced by my older sister that my father would be understanding if I told him the truth, that he would appreciate the fact that I told him the truth. Well I told him, and he rushed at me so quick I had no time to react to my defense. I will not describe it because I do not want to relive it, just know, no daughter deserves to be hurt like that.  My little brother Helaman will be heart broken, but I must leave.  I will wait until we celebrate his birthday and then leave.  I cannot do this anymore.

I will love anyone I want to love without being laughed at. I will go out with my friends without a single bad word being spoken of them. I will dress how I want without being told not to be surprised if I am raped.  I love my family. But it is my parents that truly I will never understand. I am grateful for them. But this has to stop.far away home

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